Close your eyes, take a deep breath and think about what attributes you look for in a potential date.

Now, write them down on a piece of paper, even in point-form will do.

Speed dating is a bit of a game of musical chairs. You have approximately three minutes (this varies depending on the event) to chat up a single before people are asked to move on to the next person. Unlike actual bad dates, you don’t have to worry about suffering through at least an hour with someone you have zero chemistry with.

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Done?

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Ok, let’s see. For a female, perhaps the partner you are looking for must be ambitious, funny, and at least 1.70 metres; for a male, perhaps your potential partner has to be kind-hearted, knows how to windsurf, and long-haired. Everyone of us seem to have a mental checklist which we use to evaluate if someone has met the basic criteria to qualify as a potential date/partner. But does this deliberately thought of criteria reflect the kind of partner you really want? Apparently, as shown in a study by two professors from Columbia University – Sheena Iyengar and Raymond Fisman – detailed in Malcolm Gladwell’s international bestseller Blink, the way we make decisions (even in choosing a date) may not be as rational and conscious as we think.

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In the study, participants attended speed-dating nights at a bar and had to fill in a short questionnaire which asked them to rate on a scale of one to ten, what they were looking for in a potential partner based on the following categories: attractiveness, shared interests, humor, sincerity, intelligence and ambition. The same questionnaire was filled out on four occasions: before the dating starts, after the dating ends, a month later and then six months after the date. As such, the researchers had a very detailed picture of exactly what everyone says they were feeling during the dating process.

And here comes the strange part. Results from analyzing all the data shows the following pattern when asked to describe the perfect partner at different times:

Err… this is confusing. What does this participant really want in a partner? That’s a mystery. The researchers of this study admitted that they have no idea at all.

The main take away from this is that what speed-daters say they want and what they are actually attracted to in a moment do not match! As aptly put by Malcolm Gladwell “We have, as human beings, a story-telling problem. We’re a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don’t really have an explanation for… When it comes to romance, we cannot rationally describe the kind of person we will fall in love with: that’s why we go on dates – to test our theories about who attracts us.”

So strike off those criteria you have, keep an open mind, and happy dating!

Reference:

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Gladwell, M. (2005) Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. USA: Back Bay Books.